healthy relationships

Single woman overlooking the city

Don’t waste your single years waiting for marriage

August 11, 2026 — Leave a comment

Being single is not a problem. Waiting around for your life to begin because you’re single is.

We live in a society that puts a lot of pressure on single people, especially women. The moment you’re single for long enough, people start treating it like a condition. They want to know why you’re still single, whether you’re dating anyone and when you’re finally going to settle down.

And when they tell you to “have fun,” they usually mean drink poison or sleep with strangers. In short, hedonism as sold by Hollywood.

I think there’s much better advice to give a single person.

You have a life to live!

Being single isn’t a situation that needs to be fixed. You don’t need to spend years wondering when you’re going to meet someone, why you haven’t yet or comparing your life to people who are already married.

I understand the feeling.

I wanted companionship too.

There were times when being single felt empty. We all want to be held. We all want someone to come home to. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that.

But wanting something and waiting for it are two very different things.

I wasn’t going to sit around waiting for someone to arrive and make my life feel complete. I had a life to live in the meantime, so I lived it.

I built a career. I spent time with my friends. I became the third wheel, and sometimes the fifth wheel. I made memories. I learned things. I spent time with couples and saw how relationships worked from the inside, especially when one of them was already a close friend.

You learn a lot that way.

You see how people communicate, disagree, compromise, show affection and deal with responsibility. I learned a lot from it, even if not enough, because I don’t think you can ever learn enough about relationships.

But none of that was a strategy for finding a wife.

That distinction matters.

And when I eventually met my wife, I wasn’t looking for someone to give me a life or make me happy. I was happy, and she was happy before we met. We simply complemented each other, shared what we already had and grew together from there.

That’s how it should be.

Marriage is amazing. I genuinely believe that. I wouldn’t trade my marriage for my single life.

But marriage was not the goal of my single life.

Living well was.

Marriage changes how you live

As a married man, I have responsibilities towards another person that I didn’t have when I was single. My wife’s wellbeing is no longer just something I care about. It is something I’m responsible for. If she needs me, I show up, even when it’s inconvenient, even when I have other things I’d rather be doing.

When I was single, I was responsible for myself. Just myself. I could make my own plans, spend my own money and do whatever I wanted with my time.

That’s why I think marriage is such an important step into adulthood, and in my case manhood. You don’t stop living for yourself. You stop living just for yourself.

Someone else’s wellbeing, safety and happiness become part of your responsibility. You become someone they can rely on, not just a companion and lover.

Single life can be lonely

It can be, and it is no matter what you do. That’s the truth.

There were times when I felt that loneliness too, even when I was seemingly on top of the world. But I had my friends and I had my family. My family in particular mattered enormously to me. When I was down and didn’t feel like talking to my friends, I could talk to them instead. Sometimes just hearing their voices was enough to make me feel better.

The desire for companionship is natural. You can be loved and still be lonely.

You can have a wonderful life and still want someone beside you.

But you can also want marriage without making marriage the purpose of your life.

Those things aren’t contradictory.

I didn’t get married when I wanted to, really not.

I got married when it was right.

We don’t get much say in when the right person enters our lives, but we do get a say in what we do with our lives before that happens.

So if you’re single, stop waiting.

Live life on your own terms. Make it yours. And if someone eventually comes along and you decide to share it with them, that’s wonderful.

But don’t spend your life waiting for that day.

You only get one life. Don’t put it on hold for a life you haven’t even started yet.

Food for thought.

Thanks for reading.

Teekay

Behaviors and traits that make healthy personalities

December 17, 2021 — Leave a comment

A list of healthy behaviors, traits and habits I’ve noticed in some of my favorite people in the world.

Those are traits I personally try to gravitate towards in order to build healthy relationships.

  • They avoid criticism at all costs 

Criticism shows a lack of understanding and empathy towards others. The less critical you are towards others, the better.

Slander is also a major sin in my religion.

Slander and backbiting are considered “destructive” major sins.

These two sins are forbidden by God because they sow enmity, evil and discord among people and lead to destruction.

Slander, like overt criticism, are a sign that you want to show superiority, which in turn shows a lack of confidence and is ultimately a sign of weakness.

People ain’t all that different, we just choose our differences, so please refrain from being cheaply critical and just accept others as they are.

  • OCEAN is the acronym

OCEAN are the “Big Five” personality traits developed in psychological trait theory. They’re a great way to assess oneself.

O for Openness. Being open to new things, new ideas, change and being curious are all great signs of a great personality.

For instance, if someone tells you about a positive thing in their life, try to dig deeper, be happy for them.

Showing real, genuine interest in what others tell you is a sign of goodness, and happiness.

C for Conscientiousness: be conscientious is one of the noblest traits.

Knowing how to act and react accordingly in difficult situations, being aware of your surroundings, treating others with respect are all signs of a conscientious person.

Don’t be so quick to judge and just let others the benefit of the doubt, learn how to trust.

E for Extroversion: try being extroverted, not in a “party-going” way, but rather in a “be curious about others, ask how they are” way.

Don’t interrupt when others talk to you, show genuine interest in their feelings and wellbeing and treat them with love.

A for Agreeableness: being agreeable should be the easiest thing when you’re surrounded by the right people. Your friends need to challenge you on certain things, but not on everything.

“A person with a high level of agreeableness in a personality test is usually warm, friendly, and tactful.” So be warm, make people feel at ease, heard.

N for Neuroticism (it’s not what you think): this trait is about people who are emotionally stable, who deal well with stress pretty well, who don’t worry much (know how to let go of grudges) and are generally very chill and laid-back.

The kind of person who avoids conflict and troubles at all costs, my type of people.

Let’s move on to some other traits healthy people have in common:

  • They don’t think about their needs only (considerate?)

One of my favorite thing about some people is their ability to put others before themselves.

I’ve had friends who were exactly that. They always serve others before they serve themselves, they’re the carers of the group, which usually brings the group together.

Carers are my personal favorite people !

Showing that you care about people other than yourself is such an attractive trait. It shows empathy and an acute sense of humanity. 

  • They avoid hijacking conversations

Everything isn’t always about you, let others be, express themselves.

Make them feel comfortable enough to open up to you. Avoid hijacking conversations with sentences like “this reminds me of something I went through”. NO. It’s not about u, it’s about them ! 

  • They own up to your failures and mistakes

Take responsibility.

It takes courage to take responsibility, to show that you understand your mistakes and that you’re willing to do better

Say that you blew it when you feel like you did. I know it shows vulnerability but that’s what healthy people say and do

  • They allow nuance in life

Things shouldn’t always be how YOU want them to be, focus on yourself and hope others do their best as well

  • They never shame, never blame, and don’t have an agenda

If you disagree with someone, do it in a civil and respectful manner. Things can’t always go your way and that’s ok, let it go, just make sure you do your best in every situation, and don’t beat yourself up when you can’t 

  • They have an acute sense of teamwork

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Always try to work things out with the person in front of you, personally and professionally.

  • They don’t mind sharing the negatives of their personal and professional endeavors

Talking about the negatives of your life allows a sense of intimacy to others, which is the opposite of control.

This intimacy exposes you and will eventually make you feel vulnerable, which is bound to get you out of your comfort zone and help you grow. Let yourself get into that new, unexplored zone

  • They’re patient

Impatience is a big red flag when it comes to narcissism.

Impatience show that you can’t slow down to care about someone other than yourself, and that you’re too spoiled to realize you can’t always have it your way.

Impatience manifests itself in different forms, some people throw tantrums while others will just shut themselves out. Learn how to deal with your emotions and be an open book.

Learning how to be patient is an important aspect of a good life

  • They listen

Take time to reflect and learn how listen. It’s no wonder God gave us 2 ears and only 1 mouth.

We learn more by listening and observing others, so try to be more present and listen. Active and intentional listening is the cornerstone of good communicators and healthy relationships.

Careful listeners are usually more open and compassionate.

  • They know other people aren’t just as good as their last good deed 

Avoid being harsh and too quick to judge.

Avoid holding grudges and let others prove you wrong.

If you’re interested in health in general, read this article about small changes that could completely change your life.

Thanks for reading.

Teekay